Who Are You When You Think Nobody Is Looking

We all have a public persona, the way we want others to view us. We have our Religious persona, the way we want people to view us at church. It would be nice if those two persona's were the same, but quite often they are not.

There is a third persona, the person we are when we think nobody is looking. I used to have young people that I worked with say, "Come on Mr Bittner, when you hit your thumb with a hammer, what do you say?" My response is a very loud, "OUCH!" This is of course followed by, "Yeah, but what if nobody is around. Don't you let off with a cuss word or two?" "Oh, when nobody is around, I do say it differently. OUCH THAT HURTS!"

We have been challenged to the core recently. Our family income situation has gone through a very unplanned change. Lightning hit our house, charing some of the electrical lines. And, I went through knee replacement surgery.

I approached the surgery with as good of an attitude as possible (having already had one knee replacement, I knew what I was in for). But, pain and hospital stays are not my strong suit. I tried to be nice, not let the nursing staff suffer my wrath.

In the middle of my hospital stay, Kim had to leave (a job related thing). Apparently on her way out of town she stopped at Sprinkles (a well known cupcake shop in the area) and bought cupcakes for the 3rd floor nursing staff, a special thank you for the care they were giving.

For two of the tree-day hospital stay, a young 30'something nurse named Ray (her Tagalog name was much longer) took care of me. She was very kind, and considerate. She seemed very dedicated to my comfort and I was grateful to have her take care of me. The night nurse was a young man named Michael who was equally caring. Perhaps the most patient of all was an aid name Maria. She was particularly kind because I dropped a full Urine bottle three different times in one day. It made quite a splash but she never flinched. All of this is to say that life has not been smooth lately. We have been hit by trial upon trial. Through it all, what are we like? I was about to find out.

The day before checking out, Ray came into the room. She informed me that she would be off the next day and that she would miss taking care of me. Then she said something that really shook me into a new reality. "I am very interested in getting to know Jesus. I think that you are the person to help me. Could you please send me a book that will help me know Jesus the way you know him?"

How did she know? Did she Google me? Did she read my blogs? I do not remember much, if any, discussion about my faith. Yet at my worst, she still knew.

Faith is apparently not determined people's acceptance or rejection, lightning strikes, jobs, titles, or income. It is not shaped by pain level or a body that has needed major surgery each year for the last five years. It is refreshing to know that when I am at my worst, people who look still see that Christ in me, is my hope of Glory.

Who are you when you think nobody is looking?